Sarcoma….

The original biopsy diagnosis was retro peritoneal Sarcoma…which has a fairly low survival rate.. I was terrified but had to keep it together for everyone, my husband, my kids, my mom-in-law, friends etc. I made up my mind that the ONLY option was kicking this thing’s ass. So, immediate surgery was scheduled to remove the mass, which was quite large in the retro peritoneal area. My husband and I had a very intensely emotion and intimate conversation the night before surgery because there was a chance he would not survive— we shared so much- he is truly my soul mate, my teammate, my partner in all that we have lived, loved and endured and te idea that he might be gone is so tragic- not just for me and my children and our families but anyone he has or would encounter because he has a way of bringing out the best in people and he makes a difference in so many lives just by being the wonderful person he is… He also said something that I don’t believe many in this world can say– he said he has no regrets, he felt his life, although short, was full and rich with experience and love and he wouldn’t change a thing. Being faces with mortality gives everyone involved a reality check… Life truly is too short to sweat the small stuff… Live life and accept yourself – strengths and weaknesses.

Surgery started early in the morning and It was expected to be 6- 8 hours – it was 8. The entire day felt like déjà vu with my moms surgery… She was supposed to have an 8 hour surgery and after 30 minutes they came out and gave her a 50/50 chance of survival… So I was on edge even more – and the seriousness of the surgery would have been enough. I felt sick every time a patient number was called because I desperately did not want them to call me over early. I also had to keep it together for my mom in law who was extraordinarily negative but we managed to find a common ground. When the surgeon called us in to speak with him after 8 hours of surgery the news was good- they removed the tumor and felt they were able to get it all (which is the key to beating Sarcoma), however, hey had to remove his kidney, graft his vena cava, and pull it away from his aorta. I started to cry a blubbering cry that I could not control because I was so relieved that he was ok and I hugged the surgeon…

I got to see him in the ICU and I just wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be ok… He had so many tubes but seeing him briefly open his eyes and look at me I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and felt his fighting spirit kick into high gear. I settled for rubbing his arm and telling him, “I love you so much and everything is going to be just fine”…

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