Keeping it “normal”

With all of the changes, moving away, getting settled somewhat, then having a Cancer diagnosis, moving to yet another location (small house with 6 people one of whom I do not have a very good relationship due to an anger management issue- another story), major surgery, and no day care or kids to play with and I had the challenge of trying to minimize the stress for my children and keep a routine of sorts. I was stressed out of my mind- worried about my husband and whether this man I love so much and who is my best friend and the loving father of our two children would survive and trying to stay positive and care for him as he was feeling pain… Scared about the possibility of life without him for my children and myself… Trying to explain what was happening to my 2 and 4 year old, trying to keep them busy and away from their dad who normally is so active but was suddenly physically unable (at least keep them from jumping on him and managing their expectations about daddy’s activity level)…..stress of our living situation …Being the only one who can care for my children and not having a break….

I am grateful that I have been able to spend a lot of time with my children although I wish it was under different circumstances. I am thankful that my kids are the best huggers in the world— no matter how shitty I might feel a good long squeeze from my kids puts a smile on my face and lifts my spirits. We were thrust into a tragic situation and our kids adjusted well, they had a few tantrums and expressed their sadness and stress in their own ways- my son had a few tantrums and also asked lots of questions to try to make sense of this in his way. My daughter (2), cried A LOT, needed her blanket more and needed to snuggle more and had tantrums like I have never seen from either of my kids… But she would release the emotions and then visibly feel better…. Both needed Mommy more and more and had a hard time leaving my side… How scary it must be for them….

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